PC: Pradeep Chelleppan
It has been a gazillion years since I blogged and I believe the time is about right for this one.
My passion for dance began right at the age of 4 or so, and my memories of dance lessons are pretty well embedded in my mind. Dance lessons with my teacher and learning with my peers was something I eagerly looked forward to. I should thank my stars and my mom watching from above to have me settled in a place which is so talent rich filled with extremely passionate dancers.
My tryst with Mohini Dance School began in 2013 with its inception, and it has been a tremendously fun joy ride for me ever since.
I had never learnt Mohiniyattam before, and my first and only Guru for this art form is Smitha Krishnan. A Guru, whom I admire and respect for the one helluva performer, teacher and the friend she is. Ghanashyam was the school’s first production on Lord Krishna and boy how thrilled we were to get going with it. Smitha announced the cast, and I was Dushasana. I was overjoyed, but shitting bricks as the responsibility to deliver was huge.
Hectic practices, several discussions and planning were rolling on in full scale and none of us had a clue how the first half of 2018 just flew by until we reached the D day. Whatsapp filled with Good mornings and best wishes from peers and Guru. It was a beautiful day, my mind was heavy thinking about the 2 shows we had to perform back to back. Just prayed and hoped He will watch over all of as we grace the stage. Laid out my makeup essentials and the costumes. Before I knew, we were at the venue in the green room doing the final touches to ourselves. Time came to take blessings from Guru, it is always a choking moment for me, hugged her tight as she smiled and said we are going to rock it. Tears welled up, but could not let it roll thinking about the mess it would do to the makeup 😊.
The final call came, and Voila we were on stage. Lights on, music on, curtain opens – that moment is here. Danced and prayed at the same time.
I am a firm believer that, however talented one could be – in order to execute to your fullest you need Him, the only power to back you up. The first few dances went great, and I had a confidence that all is well. Soon, we reached the last scene of the first show and there the curtain closed. 30 minutes until the repeat show and the excitement and adrenaline was high among all. Quite a few friends from the audience came backstage to comment the show was spectacular and boy, what a relief that was. As, we got ready to get rolling for the next show a lump was felt in all our throats as this would be the last round and it is no more. We got ready, and before we knew we were on stage and the 2nd show thus began.
I, along with my friend Manju has a solo piece to perform in the show and it was the 2nd chapter in the series. It was 2 solos alternated with Manju culminating in a duet by both of us. I changed and was on the side stage for my first solo, music went on and there I was dancing to “Jagadho dharanay..” As I was dancing, I sensed something is not right on both my feet. I told myself, Julie- focus! You are fine- just don’t get distracted. I went on, and at one point suddenly felt both my knees completely locked out. It would not stretch and it was bent. I felt out of control, and fought the excruciating pain while trying to release my knees from the lock. Though I tried my best to hide the pain from my face, it showed. I felt helpless and wondered how am I going to complete the sequence. I struggled every second of it, and just wanted to end it- the song though 3 minutes felt like 3 hours. Finally the song ended, I was relieved to exit the stage, literally limped through instead of a graceful exit. And right there fell on my knees, as it gave away totally. As I looked for help, I saw no adults except a few kids. They came running, and held me, I could not stand. I was sitting on the floor almost in tears as I deemed this is the end for me in this show. I had to return to the stage in 4 minutes for my 2nd solo. Time was critical. Within seconds I saw a whole bunch of my friends trying to massage both my feet, some gave me coconut water while some just consoled saying all is well. My eyes searched for my Guru, and I saw her helpless face as she tirelessly massaged my knee. I said, it is done for me- doesn’t look like I can even stand up- forget dancing. I could only hear words of encouragement from all- so much of a morale boost but in vain coz I knew the dreadful truth. My feet have given up on me, and it is the end. Clock was ticking and my friend Manju finished her solo. 2 mins left on the clock. She came running to me and started massaging. Kept saying Cmon Julie you can. Held me and helped me stand. The pain was unbearable and something that I have never experienced in my life before. By then, almost the entire crew of Ghanashyam was around me. Panic and commotion was high. I suddenly felt a ray of light as the pain eased on one leg. I slowly tried to place it straight and it felt normal. I yelled this is fine yes this is ok.. Manju whatever massage you did on this feet has worked, please try the same on my other feet. She was clueless, but just listened to me as clearly something she did worked and it clicked. Few more seconds left and it was time for me to enter the stage for my solo. All were super tensed and wished me luck.
Music begins and I am on stage this time with a heavy fear wondering if my feet would fail me again. I danced with ease, there was no pain. I prayed to all the Gods I know as I did the sequence. From the corner of my eye, I could see all my tensed friends in pin drop silence glued to me. "Ennathavamsay thane..": I have always enjoyed dancing to that lovely song, and I danced with all my might and strength, though the fear persisted. I wanted to compensate for my not-so-great previous performance, so gave my best expressions and smiled while I ended with the pose of Yashodha in a decent aramandalam. Applause rolled by with cheers, from the side stage first and then from the audience. I got emotional and exited the stage with a huge sigh of relief. All commented it was good. What I thought was the end, didn't seem so and I was thanking all my stars.
Until this moment, I do not know what was that about and the why part. I have several possible reasons. Either it could be due to the fact that I had false pride and over confidence that the first show went well and this was His way of grounding me Or, it could have been “Kutty Krishna’s” pranks, to test my grit as they say offerings to Lord Krishna is never achievable that easily without hindrances. Or, what was it actually. Only He knows the answer 😊.
Well, I do know one thing- He came through Manju and decided to heal me- like I believe we do see God every now and then. They are right in front of us, much beyond the places of worship.
Had it not been for my friends/Guru’s blessings and warm support during those 4 mins which felt like eternity, I would have failed miserably. This indeed was the first of its kind in my entire dance career, and was an eye opener for me. These are certain instances that question our existence, and the ultimate realization that we are nothing. In fact, there are several things much beyond out control. This is a life long memory etched in my mind, as am forever grateful to all who stood by me helping me to get back on my feet.
Our show ended with an astounding standing ovation, that got us all welled up. The cheers and the resounding applause did not stop and, we stood tall beaming with pride. After all the weeks and months of tireless efforts finally yielded the much needed success. Our day ended when our Guru quoted from Wonder- “Everyone needs a standing ovation at least once in their life”. Absolutely true, and that feeling was unexplainable for us.
As, the world preps for this beautiful ritual of Vijayadashmi wherein many begin their new endeavors, or recommit to the art of knowledge and wisdom I wish each and every individual a beautiful year of rich learnings and beginnings filled with blessings from the above.
Happy Vijayadashmi to all my near and dear ones!
Guru Brahma Gurur Vishnu Guru Devo Maheshwaraha
Guru Saakshat Para Brahma Tasmai Sree Gurave Namaha
